


pale the winter days after dark

by retts



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:58:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/retts/pseuds/retts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'can't i share your warmth?' asks liam with a sweet smile, big eyes effortlessly softening the mock-annoyance on zayn's face.</p><p> </p><p>A night out in love, snow, and blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	pale the winter days after dark

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from The Decemberists' 'January Hymn.' That song always makes me feel sad.

 

the door opens and a swirl of music, lights, and heat flood the alleyway. the heat instantly fizzles in the winter air. two boys stumble out, laughing and stealing kisses from each other. they're flushed with intoxication and love, and the dark-haired one cups his boyfriend's face in both hands and drags him in for a long snog.

the other boy pushes back with a breathless gasp a few minutes later, shivers, and says, 'it's too cold to make out, zayn!'

zayn sighs and folds his arms round the trembling boy. 'told you to bring your scarf, liam, and a thicker coat. but do you ever listen to me?'

'can't i share your warmth?' asks liam with a sweet smile, big eyes effortlessly softening the mock-annoyance on zayn's face.

'yeah, yeah,' laughs zayn, because honestly, those eyes own him, 'come here then.' they embrace, zayn tugging the edges of his coat so it wraps around liam too, and liam buries his cold nose past the folds of the scarf into the side of zayn's neck.

liam hums happily and shuffles closer. zayn cards his gloved hand through liam's hair, smiling fondly into the strands. 'idiot,' he mutters, savouring the other boy's closeness and knowing it's never enough. sometimes zayn just wants to crawl inside liam's skin and live there. it's scary, how needy and dependent zayn is for this daft boy, and it sets off an intangible ache in his chest that makes him tremble in his boots. liam is someone beautiful and kind and so _good_ that it's hard to believe he's real sometimes, or that he belongs to zayn. zayn is so in love with him that it actually physically hurts and he never does this, believing in best friends as soul mates; he always makes sure to protect himself, but -

'love you so much, zayn,' says liam into the curve of his shoulder, making it that bit easier to draw air into his lungs, and as zayn exhales, the words flow freely as if they weren't choking him just seconds before.

their hearts beat in near perfect unison where their chests touch and it's more proof that they are made for each other; no one else fits.

right. zayn is a bit drunk and it's making him emotional and ridiculous and they really should get home, instead of standing in the alley waiting to freeze. 'li, hey, let's go home, yeah?'

'like this?' liam giggles. they're snuggled tightly inside zayn's absurdly massive coat. 'how can we walk?'

lips twitching, zayn bites liam's earlobe. 'no you great big numpty, we let go of each other and then find a cab.'

'mm comfortable, though.'

'uh-huh, you're comfortable in the bleeding cold with the smell of rubbish around us?'

liam lifts his head and makes a face. 'i didn't really smell the rubbish until you pointed it out. thanks a lot, zayn.'

'why do i even?' mutters zayn with a glance skyward. a bit of soft ice falls on his lashes and he blinks. squinting against the neon lights of the club, zayn sees the tiny flurries of snow coming down. liam's staring up as well, mouthing 'oh', and then smiling so wide his eyes disappear into his delight.

'snow!' crows liam, wriggling his hand out from between them to catch the flakes on his covered palm. 'wow it's snowing! it never snows in london!'

'a christmas miracle,' zayn agrees with a nod. 'or global warming.' liam slaps zayn's shoulder, giggling like a child. they stay like that, faces upturned towards the sky, letting the snow touch and melt on their skin.

'merry christmas, zayn.' liam meets his gaze and beams, and zayn leans forward to taste his happiness

 

 

  


when

 

 

  


a sharp crack echoes in the night but a hush spreads through zayn's entire being as liam crumples like a doll. zayn pushes his arms up under liam's weight with a sharp startled cry.

there's a man behind liam whose eyes are huge and manic. he uncurls his fingers and a jagged piece of rock hits the ground with a thump. 'queers! filthy, disgusting little queers!' the man screams and the words don't really horrify zayn until he feels something warm and wet drip on his gloves.

it's not snow, and it's not tears, and zayn can't breathe as the stillness inside his chest fractures. 'what?' he says stupidly. he should feel fury, anguish, anything, zayn reckons, but it's like when liam collapsed so did he.

the door opens and heads peer out curiously. with a gasping laugh, the man tugs on his hair and then bolts away.

'oh my god what happened? is he alright? quick call an ambulance!'

ignoring the voices, zayn lowers liam to the ground with infinite gentleness, tugging his scarf free and kneeling over him. 'liam,' he calls softy, 'liam.' he's always been good at pretending to be asleep even when zayn's trying his best to wake him up. 'li, hey, come on.' the back of his right hand brushes against a pale cheek. when zayn pulls away he leaves a scarlet smear behind. 'open your eyes, liam. _p-please_.' they don't.

 _it's like a bad dream_ , thinks zayn hysterically. he doesn't even notice his voice getting louder, or his fingers digging into the fabric of liam's coat, or how he really still cannot fucking breathe. 'liam this isn't funny anymore,' zayn says with a note of anger, pain, fear. he swallows and sucks in ice which breaks his voice: 'babe, _please_. don't. i. it's christmas.'

a hand touches zayn's shoulder. a voice, hesitant and pitying. 'mate the ambulance is on its way - '

zayn clenches his eyes tightly so he doesn't have to see, but he can still feel how his left hand keeps pushing against the bleeding wound on the back of liam's head, his scarf now soaked. it fills his palm and trickles between his fingers. life being wasted, spilling away freely when only a few minutes ago liam was flushed with it. a few minutes ago, they were replete with bliss. a few hours ago, they had fucked again and again, so greedy for each other. just this morning, zayn woke up to liam clinging to him like an octopus and truly, sincerely believed he was all set for the rest of his life, as long as he could have liam like this.

'liam,' whispers zayn, still hoping to rouse him, but mostly to shape his lips around the name for the slightest comfort. tears splash on zayn's cheeks and snowflakes drift down to play on liam's slack lips. he kisses the frost away and rests his forehead on liam's collarbones. he thinks he's been cracked too, everything flowing out; hollowed; dark.

zayn's chest is so quiet and it matches liam's perfectly.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure: part of me refuses to believe in death fics so now I'm half-convinced Liam survives and they get a happy ever after. This is still a death fic, though, so. 
> 
> I set out to write a Christmas fic with so much fluff it makes me want to vomit, but it turned into this. I'm going to do fluff, I swear!
> 
> Feedback is love :)


End file.
